BDSM and Misogyny

Let’s just get this little myth straightened out… we perverts love women. We do. Really.

When you surf the web for B&D, it’s easy to get the wrong impression. You’ll find a lot of sites that cater to the lowest, most bestial aspects of BDSM.

"Women kidnapped and tortured! Look how much pain these bitches can take! We hurt them a lot! Then we can fuck them ‘cuz they’re tied up! Wahoo!"

These sites are crude, and full of harsh images, and can leave one with the impression that their creators hate women. Or perhaps, more charitably, that they're frightened of women and simply can't deal with them unless they're tied up and helpless.

While that's not entirely out of the realm of possibility, it's much more likely that what you're seeing is the most basic expression of a fantasy, without any qualifiers to explain where it's coming from. You see, BDSM is all about fantasy.

Human beings, like all the other animals on earth, are driven by instinct. The drive to be either dominant or submissive is one of the most primal of instincts, and one that we tend to override with our reason. But for some of us, it gets tangled up with our sexual wiring. It turns us on to dominate another, or to be dominated. Yet, we're still rational human beings, and these desires are at odds with how we are taught to behave. What else can we do but squirrel them away into the realm of fantasy? By the time we reach adulthood, they're firmly ensconced there, like a secret world inside our heads. You can't tell, of course, because we don't let on, and we look just like everyone else... and, aside from those fantasies, we are just like everyone else.

What you see when you surf BDSM websites are simply expressions of fantasies. They’re often poorly articulated, and sometimes downright scary, but they’re just fantasy. Those who created them don’t necessarily hate women, they just don't express themselves well.

Some of us keep our fantasies a secret our whole lives. Some express them, however crudely, on a website about kidnapping and rape and torture. And some of us choose to live our fantasies, in safe, controlled ways, by seeking out others to share them with.

BDSM is a complex and multi-dimensional area of interest, and yes, it encompasses a few bozos. But there is a thriving underground BDSM community, and I encourage anyone who enjoys BDSM fantasies to seek it out in your local area. Playing out your fantasies with a willing and like-minded partner beats the hell out of trying to find something like them on the internet.

And while we’re here, let’s blow the lid off another common myth. Perverts are born, not made. Either you have a proclivity for BDSM or you don’t. If you do, it’s going to reveal itself eventually, no matter what you do, so you might as well embrace it without guilt. As for exactly what your particular kink may be, most of us are imprinted with that by age five, usually by something perfectly common and innocent. If you don’t have the proclivity, nothing is going to turn you kinky. No matter what you see or how young you are when you see it, it’s just not going to affect you.

Well, there you go. If you’re already hard into BDSM you probably already know all this, but I just thought that, somewhere on the web, there needed to be a foundation of truth, to put the rest of it into context.

And yes, we do like to fuck ‘em when they’re tied up. Wahoo!

Take care,

Brian Tarsis